School Issue: LGBTQ Bullying

After seeing this article on Jezebel, and reviewing the source material, I feel the pain of my colleagues. There really is a huge bullying problem, and it's complex and difficult for American teachers to handle if their efforts aren't being reciprocated by their community. It doesn't help that public school teachers are constantly given a dumb, conflicting message about teaching equality values: "It's your job to mold these young people into  ethical participants in society - but don't mention ANYTHING EVER that's considered an 'issue' because you'll be forcing your political opinions on kids in a public school and we'll fire you." LGBTQ have their own set of snarls, especially when they intersect with other issues in the community.

So, personal example time. I'm a school librarian. I'm queer, which I will not reveal to my students. ("A queer school librarian! With tattoos! PROTECT THE CHILDREN.") When a student casually says something ignorant about sexuality, I wince. It happens less often - usually I'm correcting the standard "that's gay" stuff. I had an incredulous 3rd-grader explain to me how Lady Gaga is gay because of the way she dresses. I work in a religious African-American neighborhood, which has its own expectations about hyper-masculinity for the boys and other forms of alienation for girls. I often wonder if homosexuality is even discussed at all in my students' homes, as the dialogues of gay people of color have been long oppressed. Very few Americans have even heard of Bayard Rustin, despite his huge influence on Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and black civil rights. I try not to assume that they come in with any knowledge. But where do I start? What's appropriate for me to say or do to promote understanding?
 
I obviously agree that educators should actively teach LGBTQ acceptance, but with tact: it depends on how the community feels about discussing sexuality. You have to balance being respectful of the community, but also do what you feel is right. I will be met poorly if I, as a white liberal, begin aggressively telling my students something different than is expressed in their church or their home. It would be wrong of me to tell a child their parent or an adult they trust is wrong.

Sigh. It's delicate, which I'm not always very good at.

None of this means I won't stand up for myself or my community, or avoid the issue. Here are my personal Rules of Thumb for dealing with slurs and commentary, while remaining professional: 

Do not engage. I coach middle-school poms, and 7th grade girls are universally horrible if you let them be. I shrug it off and say "it's none of my business, or yours" if students try to involve me in their gossip. Even shrugging and saying, "So?" is pretty effective. This is me modelling for them how to resist participating in the behavior. I know they're looking at me as an adult mentor and they come to me with gossip to be reaffirmed. They want me to react to them. I don't reaffirm their behavior, but I don't alienate myself as a person to take these issues to.

Tell kids to mind their own business! If the previous method doesn't work, I firmly tell a kid to worry about themselves and fix their own problems before they start pointing fingers at others. We live in an invasive, judgmental Mean Girls culture that loves to obnoxiously speculate about people we know nothing about. We as adults have to model that this behavior is wrong. Let's teach our kids to not be jerks.

Calmly explain, positively frame. I explain to students - without making them feel bad the first time - that calling someone a "faggot" feels oppressive on the level of the N-Word or any other slur to me, because my friends and family are gay. That peaceful dialogue is critical on the first try, because honestly, kids often say things without having any idea of what's coming out of their mouth. I'm going to immediately alienate that kid if I yell at them for calling someone a name without explaining the pain or history behind it. It's not fair to punish the child for not knowing the difference. I give them the opportunity to learn first. If it continues, then I more firmly intervene.

Set up a Zero-Tolerance Policy in Classrooms and Schools. No kid gets away with rudeness in my library. I'm very blessed to work at a school with a very united staff, who universally agree upon an aggressive zero-tolerance culture. And any anti-hate policy has to have firm consequences that are followed through. If you don't follow through, you've lost it completely. We deal with these problems on the spot, we don't just leave it to the Deans. It should be school-wide, and staff should have set-aside PD time to work on these policies. I think the GLSEN toolkit is very promising, and I hope my network will one day actively incorporate it into PD.
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